How do you respond to uncomfortable feedback?
Recently I spent some time ministering alongside another leader. He has a lot going for him: passion, conviction, a large scope of responsibility, and very able people around him. The potential for long-term impact is tremendous.
As we spent time together, aspects of his character and the way he treats others naturally surfaced. Near the end of our time he asked for some feedback (a really healthy move). I had been praying about what to say, and attempted to deliver my words of encouragement and suggested corrections with grace and truth.
My feedback was met with a bristling defense. Others who have attempted to speak appropriately into this leader’s life have met with the same fate, or worse. Brother, wherever you are today, know that I am praying for you. Our mission is at stake.
Feedback. We love it, and we hate it. As leaders, we can’t live, love, or lead well without it. Feedback is a gift from God to keep us on course, to humble us, and to ensure we don’t get too far ahead of the parade we are supposedly leading. Receiving feedback is a huge piece of learning to share leadership.
Here’s what helps me respond well to uncomfortable feedback:
- Embrace it. Feedback signals to me the impact, often unintentional, that my words and deeds have on others. Thank the messenger.
- Commit the issue to prayer. The spirit of God helps me sift out what is helpful and what is not. Jotting the issue down in my journal keeps it in front of me.
- Ask for help. Asking a friend or coach for their insight really helps. Often they affirm the messenger’s insight!
- Don’t shoot the messenger. Most people will no longer offer feedback to me if they’ve been rejected more than once.
- Lead on!
How do you respond to uncomfortable feedback?